WHAT TO DO

I told Andy last week that I wanted to go back to work. I don't really want to go back to work. I have had a permanent stomach ache at the thought of leaving Grady with someone else, and the thought of not spending as much time as possible with him. I feel like we waited so long and went through so much to get pregnant and have a baby and now he's here and I just want to savor every moment. BUT as we all know the economy sucks, the real estate market really sucks and that really affects Andy's job - his job is NOT in jeopardy - he actually just got took over the Charleston market and everything north for his company (we're very proud and excited that he won't be traveling quite as much!) - but it all just makes me nervous. I feel like me going back to work for even just a year would make a huge difference in our finances for now and for the future. I think me going back to work until Grady is 18 months, or until a second baby comes along, would give me a better chance at being able to stay home with both children and would really help with paying off student loans, putting money in Grady's education fund and bulking up our savings account so that if anything does happen in this crappy economy, that we would be okay. I realize that I'm so lucky and blessed to even have the opportunity to choose what I should do, but I'm losing sleep over this decision. I've been praying about it and talking about it and thinking about it and basically being obsessed over it and I'm still struggling. I also realize that I probably shouldn't be going into this thinking that it's temporary, but just a year would make a huge difference. Obviously, if we can't find great childcare, I will continue to stay home. I keep trying to think about the schedule I will have and realize that I'll be getting less than 3 hours a day with Grady during the week and that breaks my heart. I have some interviews set up for next week, and I've been looking around for childcare, so please keep us in your prayers as we try to make the best decision for our family.